Yes, I'm an inhabitant of San Diego. I'm into the SCA, BDSM, Goth Clubs, a lot of the geeky stuff in San Diego.

I work as a professional Tarot card Reader, working out of various nightclubs and parties. I also do readings over the phone. I am a professional. Do not ask for a free reading. This is a hot button to getting on my bad side. This is my knowledge and experience. You will be expecting my "A" Game. Don't insult the value of my work. DeathandMagician3.jpg

However, if you can find me at Club Sabbat, at a Ren Faire, or a War, it's :
$15 for a full Reading Covering Love, Money, Health, Family, Spirtuality and any other questions you may have up to 15 minutes.
$5 for a single Subject, Love or Money, up to 5 Minutes.

Or you can use [[html]]<a href=""> </a>
[[/html]] Through this website you can ask me questions over email, or talk with me over the phone at $1.99 a min.

I've been in this cast since June 1997. I was also a cast member of the LA cast Sins O' The Flesh from June 1992 through 1997. Hell I was Devirginized in Octber 1990.

At Rocky I like to play:

Eddie EddieRockywSTEVE.jpg Crim DSC07815.jpg
Dr. Scott Tiewhip.jpg Riff DSC_0102.jpg
Rev RockyRules.gif Paddle Boy Scottspaddle.jpg

You'll also see me in the isles, Shouting audience lines, Tea bagging Sleepers, and Doing Screengags.

For those in cast or may, I'm writing out everything I Know on screengags.
soon become cast. (Sorry, audience members aren't allowed onstage or backstage)

Scott's Guide to ScreenGags

I've been thinking about doing this for over a year now. Since I'm getting more and more interested in projects that will take me away from the show, I need to pass along everything I know about screengags. I know I've been hogging them. But I'm ready to give them up.

I don't want it to be a list of screengags as there is always room for change. But I'd like to establish a set of rules to organise and incorporate the gags within the shows.

The (proposed) basic rules:
1. Anyone in Cast/ allowed on the stage can do them.
(If you suck, we'll tell you)

2. Cast Director or body appointed by Cast Director, can ban someone from Gags. (Cause you suck)

3. There will be a "ready point" established. A "ready point" is a time and place in the show, first person to be at that point gets to do the gag, or can decide to give it to someone who begs to do it. (Groveling and sexual favor is optional) (insert sucking joke here)

4. Make sure the gag is done. If you are in cast you should be in the theater performing or supporting the show at least 90% of the time.

5. Know the gag! (or you will suck)

6. Know the show and blocking! The gag looks bad if you get in the actors' way.

7. "Stage Right, Stage LEft, etc" is from perspective the actor's point of view standing at center stage. this does include the Audience areas.

8. Never, NEVER, touch the screen!

Outline of Gags
Preshow…………………..Card toss
End of trixie………………Push up Church
Damnit Janet(Begin)…….Shadow Penis (Allen)
Damnit Janet…………..Kill The Bunny
Damnit Janet……………..Turn to the Darkside
Damnit Janet(End)……….I Wanna Screw Shamu!
1st Crim……………………Climb that Tie
Rain Scene in Car…………Cameraman Speedbump
Rain Scene in Car…………Janet Blows Richard the 4th
"There's a Light"………….ThunderStrike
(after Riff Solo)
Start Sweet T……………..Janet Blows Richard the 4th part II
End Sweet T……………….Wine Bottle / elevator door
Janet look for Brad………..Yellin At Janet / "Look at me…."
Toucha Toucha…………….Rhythm Bag
Floorshow…………………..Kick that Dick!
Floorshow Pool…………….Strokin Richard
I'm Going home/"cards"……Nut/Gut check
Frank's Death………………Judges
Mag "Sweet Transexual"…."CHANGE?"
Riff and Mag final Exit……..Castle Lift
End of Superheroes………..GlobeSpin

1. Preshow "Card Toss"
Time: During "Rules". MC will be talking about items you can throw.

Ready Point: Stage Right Stairs. MC will Mention about not throwing things forward. No props

Blocking: MC (hopefully) will be down center,.
Cross to center stage behind him. Give room for pratfall. When MC says: (Paraphrasing) "Example: I've got a piece of toast (DO NOT EAT THE TOAST!) And I throw it behind me at 60 miles and hour. YA!" ~Throws "toast" behind him
You fall down!

Embelishment and variety are encouraged. but on keep doing it if it's funny. No Beating the dead wrestling joke.

2. Church Push-up
Time: End of trixie

Ready Point: Stage Right Stairs.
Lips "In the Back Row"
Audience: "Fuck the back Row"
No Props

Blocking: As "the Lips" turn into the cross atop the church steeple. Walk to the cross upstage center. Squat. As the cross rises, "lift" it, "Pushing" the church up. Doors will open. "Open" them.

Half way up the bell swing right to left. and the clock reads 11:56.

3. Shadow Penis (Allen)
Allen Does this gag! but I'll list it anyway.

Time: Intro to Damnit Janet. Car with Bettie and Ralph has just driven away.

Ready Point: In th Balcony right under the light of the projector, with floppy cloth cock in hand. As you see the billboard in the graveyard.

Blocking: Brad crosses to Stage right of the Billboard…..
Brad: "Why. Ralph himself. he'll be in line for promotion in a year or two.
Brad Stops and Spins to Janet. You hold up the Floppy Cock so that it's shadow falls from Brads Crotch (as opposed to his belly as Allen insists on holding it so that balls can be seen.) extending towards Janet's Face.
Brad: "Hey Janet"
Basically hold it there until after
Brad: "…to the Brides Bouquet."
then quickly switch to the opposite lower corner pointing upwards to make it look as if Janet is blowing it. Then, as the Camera switches back to the Two shot of Brad and Janet. Put the Cock back to Brads crotch/ Same place as Earlier, and "follow him" as he crosses stage Left.
Brad: "The river was deep but I swam it".
Then remove the Floppy Cock as it's done.

More advanced and funny moves. As Brad brings up his hand, move the cock so it looks like Brad is stroking the Cock.

4. Kill the Bunny
(a New gag that may just work with our theater's blocking)

Time: At the beginning of the 2nd verse of Damnit Janet. Brad is crossing to the stairs of the church.

Ready Point: Backstage Left entrance. with Bunny Puppet. During first chorus.
Brad: "Damnit Janet, I love you."

Prop "Bunny Puppet": A plush bunny modified to erupt, Spring Loaded Red cloth as it's hit in this gag.

Blocking: Brad Crosses up church stairs.
Brad:"If there's one fool for you than I am it."
You move puppet out to just left of where stairs are out on the screen.
Riff Chucks the pitchfork to meet/"Hit" Bunny.
Pitchfork: "chunk"
You trigger Bunny to erupt/Bleed the red cloth. Leave it on for a few seconds. the pull it off stage, and PUT IT AWAY.
It's Done.


5. Turn to the Darkside

Ready Point: 2nd Chorus of "Damnit Janet"
Brad and Janet have just entered the Church.

Blocking: Walk out a couple of steps, and reach to the inner side of the column on the screen.
Janet: "….nicer than Bettie Monroe had."
Riff, Mag & Columbia: "Oh Brad"
On the B of Brad, You move you hand to make it look as you are pulling on the column, making it twist to the Darkside.

Notes: Don't Touch The Screen!

6. I Wanna Screw Shamu!

Ready Point: Behind the Tank with Shamu (Normally preset Stage Right front row of audience). LAst Chorus of "Damnit Janet." Brad and Janet are slow dancing in front of the coffin.

Blocking: Last line of the Song.
Brad and Janet (long); I…..Love….. Yoouuuuuuuuuu."
Audience: I ….. WannaScrew…. Shamuuuuuuuu."
As Shamu's name is called out. Throw him or Carry him to center stage and fuck him.
As The Cross appears, Exit backstage left. Put Shamu Away, He's done.

7. Climb that Tie

Ready Point: Stage right Stairs from Audience, No Props, during Crims first scene, He closes the book.
Crim: Heavy, Black and Pendulous.

Blocking: As Crim Puts his book away and leans forward.
Crim: "….. they being normal kids"
You cross upstage center, and mime climbing Crim's tie to his chin.
Crim: "on a Night out."
You grab his lower lip, and as Crim leans farther forward, mime as though you're pulling his chin down to your crotch.
Crim: "It was a night out they were going to remember."
Fuck that Chin.
Crim: For a very long time."
The scene disappears, so should you.

He waggles his chin on "very". Time some spanking in.
Will you stop touching the screen.

8. Camerman Speedbump

Ready Point: Backstage Left, no props
Brad and Janet are driving in the car.
Janet: "What's the matter Brad?"

Blocking: "Well I guess we'll just have to turn back"
Brad Turns, Camera angle switches to being shot from the back seat as you enter from up left and crouch miming a camera. as if you shooting the shot on screen.
As you hear the tire blow, You pratfall down and exit.

Notes: La, ti, and Do!

9. Janet Blows Richard the 4th

Ready Point: Backstage right, with Richard the 4th (4' Cardboard penis, preset backstage near the Control board/tank Storage area.)
Brad and Janet are Still driving in the car.
Brad: "Damnit! {Smack} I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed."
Audience: "Asshole"

Brad: "Well, you just stay here and keep warm and I'll go for help"
You walk out to the upstage Left corner of the Tank, with Richard hidden behind you. You can guage where to stand as when Brad AND Janet turn their heads Stage right. you should be about 2-3 feet Right of them. Their mouths/chins are in/ will end up in the same spot to aim for in their headshots.
Brad: "Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?"
The Moment the camera switch back to Janet, QUICKLY hold up the penis. It's funnier if it looks like Janet turns her head to the head of the cock. Let Janet get a quick Lick (only about a second) then Exit with Richard, put it back in the Preset spot.

Notes: He shall return.

10. ThunderStrike

Ready Point: At Bottom of stage Right Stairs, No props (Necessarily ; See Notes)
After Riffs Verse in "Over at the Frankenstein's place! / There's A light! (No there isn't!)"

Blocking: You see a closeup of the Flag atop the castle.
Brad and Janet: (Two shot) "THere's a light"
You climb the stairs, and walk upstage right of center, as the camera pan to the second close up of the roof of the castle. Try to line up with the second "step" down from the pinacle of the roof. That's where the bolt will hit. Flip off God. Jump then pratfall ON the flash. Exit somewhere Backstage, stairs, or off the lip of the stage, stage right right

-Multiple people can do this gag. whether it's a group explosion, or a chain of people being shocked.
-There are a few signs "God 1, People 0" on the back of two of "Score Cards", which are preset Front row of the audience right. Coax Audience or cast to help you, by asking them to hold up the (God 1, people 0) right after you get hit and fall.

11. Janet Blows Richard the 4th part II

Ready Point: Backstage Right entrance with with Richard the 4th (4' Cardboard penis, preset backstage near the Control board/tank Storage area.)
At the end of Time Warp, Brad and Janet are backing their way towards the elevator.
Brad: "Say, one of you guys know who to do the Madison?"

Janet: This isn't the junior chamber of Commerce, Brad."
You walk out to the upstage Left corner of the Tank, with Richard hidden behind you.
Janet: "Look I'm cold, I'm Wet, and I'm just plain scared." the Camera Angle will change to a head shot of Janet.
On "scared", Raise Richard to the same spot as the penis gag before. If all goes well, the cock will end up with Janet's lips brushing the Head. Let Janet's lips brush that cock. then get the fuck outta there. Put Richard back in the preset place.

Notes: Richard will return, again.

12. Wine Bottle / elevator door

Ready Point: Stage right Stairs, no props.
Sweet T Has just ended. Brad And Janet are Being Dried off and undressed by Riff and Magenta. Do NOT get in their WAY!
Columbia: "Slowly, Slowly. It's too nice a job to Rush."

Columbia: "I've seen it!" Columbia throws the clothes behind her. Actors scramble to throw all loose costume pieces into Tank.
Camera Switches to shot of Riff Drinking, as other characters enter the elevator.
You: "Dude Alcohol! Gimme Some!" As you approach the screen. Just Right of Riff onscreen. Motioning him to lower the bottle to you. Watch the bottle! He will lower it for a beat then move it Right about 2 or 3 feet. You reach for it as he Drops it. Spin 360 to your left. then look Back up at Riff.
You: "You Dropped it you stupid Mother Fucker."
Long before you get your line finished, usually around "Stupid". Riff will slam the elevator door to your left. Fake as if you Being hit and fall left.

Notes: I'd say spin to your left, and fall towards the audience. It helps you miss falling into our METAL tank.

~Break Time~
You have both bedroom scenes. When Janet starts looking for Brad.
Janet: "….Where's Brad? Where's anybody?

13. Yellin At Janet / "Look at me…."

Ready Point: Stage Right Stairs, No props.
Janet: "What have the Done with him?" as she crosses to the control board.

Janet: "Oh Brad! How could you?" Sobs
You: (as you cross Up Center. Looking at the Janet on the screen) "Goddamn it Bitch. Every Fucking Week the same goddamn thing. Cry, Cry, Cry"
Janet will make a quick split second look up at you and then go back to Sobbing. From that "brief look" you have about 3-4 seconds then she will look up then follow you stage Right. There are two methods:

I. EASY OFFER: When You see the "brief look" wait a second or two,
You: "Ya Want Some cock." Then it becomes that janet realises what you are offer and then look up with interest. "Right this way" As you cross to the Stage Right Stairs. Janet will follow.

II. HARD DISCIPLINE: When You see that "brief look", Wait that Full 3-4 seconds.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you." Then It's Janet being shocked and submitting. "Now Get over here and fuck the shit outta this guy!" as you cross to Stairs and Exit. Janet will follow.

Notes: Variations in lines are good as long as there's good timing!

14. Rhythm Bag

Ready Point: Stage Left Stairs.
This happen right after the previous gag. You DO have enough time to walk all the way back, to cross behind the audience, and to walk all the way up to the stairs.
Janet is discovering Rocky in the Tank. Cut to Crims Speech.
Crim: "Emotion….."

Janet: "I was feeling done in…"
You slowly walk from Stairs up center hand pointing at the penis on the Statue of David on the screen. DO NOT Touch the Screen. Plan to get within reach and start Stroking David's penis at.
Janet: "I'd only Kissed before…."
Camera: Will cut to Columbia and Janet, prep for the next part of the bit. When it cuts back, start slowly, Flick David's Balls, Swat David's balls, then puch David's balls, building to a point where you are miming a rhythm bag on David's balls. Make you motions big, telegraph to the knowledgable audience members so they in turn will shout "Ow!" with your blows.
Janet: "It' only leads to trouble and Seat Wetting"
You finish David's balls by wildly chomping down on them, then exit Stage Left Stairs.

Notes: Why are you touching the screen, do you know what Allen will do to you?

15. Kick that Dick

Ready Point: Backstage Right with Richard the 4th (4' Cardboard penis, preset backstage near the Control board/tank Storage area.)
, and a wad of toilet paper in you hands (gather TP from audience after DR. Scott's entrance).
Janet's Floorshow is going on.

Blocking Let Frank enter while the horn fanfare begins, Enter Stage Right and Hold Richard Between you legs while you upstage hand conceals the wad of toilet paper behind Richard. Kneel and start stroking Richard, Vigorously. Improv with various masturbation methods until….
Frank: "How I started to Cry……" Fake an orgasm and throw the Toilet paper to stage left. Aim for the first row so You don't have it land in Frank's path. Act Spent and recovering you're not done yet.
Frank: "Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same."
Frank will kick Right, hopefully hitting Richard. Whether he does or not. Take the kick, reacting like he's kicking you Right off the stage. Exit and put Richard back in his Preset spot, 1 last gag for Him.

Notes: Beware throwing Rachard, as the wood brace I put on him makes him a bit more deadly.

16. Strokin Richard

Ready Point: Backstage Right entrance with with Richard the 4th (4' Cardboard penis, preset backstage near the Control board/tank Storage area.)
Cast is in the Pool.
Janet: "God Bless Lily St. Cyr"

Frank: "So, Let the Party and the Sound Rock on"
As the Frank on screen lift his Stage right Arm on "Rock", You enter and stand just Beneath the StageRight Edgeof the screen and quickly hold up Richard about 1 foot on screen,
Frank: "We're gonna shake it til the Life has gone."
Frank does three shakes with his Stage Right Fist on "Shake", and then switches hands. You're Done. Richard is Done. Exit back stage right, and put Richard away.

Note: Timing is everything, be quick or be lame.

17. Nut/Gut check

Ready Point: Stage Left Stairs during "I'm Going home". and the "audience" on the screen appears. With a bit of Toilet Paper in hand.

Blocking: As cast Frank walks to stage right stairs, you Cross To the screen up left and act like you are dusting off the edge of "the stage on the screen" move slowly up center towards Frank.
Frank: "…Free to try and find a game"
You then motion as if you are pulling Frank's scarf from his shoulder, Then "Dust" his Thigh, his butt, his chest, and begin working your way around his back.
Frank: "Cards for Sorrow" He deals 3 upstage.
"Cards for pain"
Frank will deal 4 "cards". (Hopefully the movies is projecting low enough)
You should be standing so you gut is shadowing Frank's ass. (at the same level, and just touching on Stage left side)
When Frank throws the third card in this set, it SHOULD look like he's checking you in the nuts. React as if so. Bend ove forward and shuffle your feet back about a foot or two.
This will put you in line for the fourth "card" Frank throws as it will appear to smack you in the face. Fall to the ground.

Note: Why Ya touchin Allen's screen, do you know where it's been?

18. Judges

Ready Point: Grab all the judges signs at the end of "I'm going Home"

Blocking?: Go sit in the front row, and Semi quietly talk to the audence members in the first row (or cast if the audience seems like stiffs). Give out all judges signs. Explain to the audience members with the Judges signs to hold up the signs showing the rest of the audience (Emphasise this especially for virgins, blondes, and even worse "blonde Virgins"), when Frank and Rocky climb to the top of the tower and hit the water. Reassure them that you will coach them for the appropriate cue.

When Frank and Rocky are hit with Riffs last energy bolt, you yell "Get Ready". As Frank and Rocky fall off the tower, and hit the water, You Yell "Judges" and motion your audience to raise their signs. Check to see if the blonde is actually showing the sign to the rest of the crowd. Let the crowd get a 5 second look, then gather all the signs and take them downstairs. They're done.

Note: You think I'm kidding about the Blonde. It happened.

19. "CHANGE?"

Ready Point: Stage Right Stairs, no Props. Brad, Janet, and DR. Scott have just left the castle.
Mag: "Sweet Transexual, Land of night"


Mag: "To sing and dance once more to your Dark refrain."
Cross To Mag
Move to standing between Riff and Mag, facing Mag.
You: "Come on, you've got the change thing right There!"
Mag: "To take that, Step to the right"
You: (Overlap starting at her "Step to the") Hey Bitch I'm fucking Talking to ya."
And you're interrupted by her hand coming quickly down. Take the "Hit" to the face. stagger back a couple of steps. Remain standing, spin Back to her.
You: "Oh you fuking, bitch. (Cross to her a couple of steps)You wanna go"
Riff: "But it's the pelvic trust"
Riff and Mag will thrust at each other. You should be right at the spot with Mag's hip to yours. It will look as if Mag has full on kneed you in the crotch.

Note: Magenta's hate it when the audience howls. It's drownds out the few lines they have. Really? Do we actually listen to the movie? J/k LOL!

20. Castle Lift

Ready point: Either Staircase, This one is easily done as a group. Right after previous gag.

Blocking: Everyone crosses up center. miming their hands at the bottom of the castle. Watch the top of the castle and listen for change in rumbling sound to cue when movement starts. Lift Castle, Wave Goodbye. Exit Down Left so you don't trip on BRAD

Note: No Touchy! No Touchy SCREEN!

21. GlobeSpin

Ready Point: Either staircase. Another easy Group gag. At the end of Janets verse of "Superheroes". No props.

Blocking: Camera Changes to bird's eye shot of Dr. Scott. As Camera pulls away to reveal Brad and Janet, Everyone crosses up center. And "spins" the entire frame Stage Left. Shot will change to a spinning Globe, that Crim Stops. Everyone Falls. Exit any which way.

Note: What's with the fingerprint's on the screen?!?!? Allen's gonna shoot someone!

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